There are no ‘bad’ parts of you.
Internal Family Systems
Internal Family Systems
A compassionate approach to trauma healing, inner child work and reconnecting with yourself
Sometimes, healing isn't about trying harder to change yourself.
Sometimes, it's about slowing down enough to understand why certain parts of you learned to respond the way they do.
You may have a part of you that longs for deep connection, while another pulls away when someone gets too close.
A part that dreams of being visible, confident and fully expressed, while another fears judgement or rejection.
Perhaps there is a part that people-pleases, overthinks, becomes angry, shuts down, procrastinates or needs to stay in control.
These parts aren't necessarily trying to sabotage your life.
They may be trying to protect you.
This is one of the reasons I love working with Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work. Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?”, we gently begin asking:
“What happened to this part of me — and what has it been trying to protect?”
“Healing isn’t about getting rid of the parts of you that learned to survive. It’s about meeting them with enough compassion that they no longer have to fight to be heard.”
What is Internal Family Systems?
Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic model developed by Dr Richard Schwartz.
At the heart of IFS is the understanding that our inner world naturally contains different parts.
We might have a perfectionistic part, an anxious part, an angry part, an inner critic, a caretaker, a people-pleaser, a part that wants to disappear, or a younger and more vulnerable part carrying emotions from the past.
IFS generally understands parts through three broad groups:
Exiles are often younger, vulnerable parts carrying painful emotions, beliefs or memories.
Managers work proactively to prevent that pain from being activated. They may use perfectionism, control, achievement, caretaking, planning or people-pleasing to help us feel safe.
Firefighters react when painful feelings break through despite the managers' efforts. Their priority is immediate relief, which can sometimes appear as shutting down, escaping, numbing, becoming reactive or engaging in compulsive behaviours.
Beneath these protective layers, IFS also recognises the Self — a grounded inner presence associated with qualities such as compassion, curiosity, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity, connectedness and calm.
The intention isn't to eliminate our parts.
It is to develop a different relationship with them.
Why I use a parts-based approach
This is where IFS beautifully complements a trauma-informed approach to healing.
Many behaviours we judge ourselves for can be understood differently when we explore what happened beneath them.
People-pleasing may once have helped maintain connection.
Perfectionism may have helped avoid criticism or rejection.
Hyper-independence may have developed when relying on others didn't feel safe.
Shutting down may have protected you when something felt too overwhelming.
An inner critic may have learned that criticising you first could protect you from being criticised by somebody else.
These patterns may have begun as intelligent ways of adapting to your environment.
The difficulty is that a protective response learned many years ago can continue operating long after the original experience has passed.
Your adult life may have changed, while a younger part of you is still responding to an old story.
Your protective parts are not the enemy
I use a parts-based approach because I believe healing becomes very different when we stop declaring war on ourselves.
Instead of trying to force away anxiety, anger, avoidance, perfectionism or people-pleasing, we can become curious about what sits underneath them.
We can gently ask:
What are you protecting me from?
When did you first learn you needed to do this?
What are you afraid would happen if you stopped?
What do you need from me now?
This shifts the relationship we have with ourselves.
From judgement to curiosity.
From shame to understanding.
From rejection to compassion.
From fragmentation toward integration.
And sometimes, the parts of ourselves we've spent years trying to silence are the very parts that most need to be heard.
Parts work, trauma and the inner child
Trauma can sometimes leave us feeling disconnected from aspects of ourselves.
We may learn to suppress anger, hide vulnerability, disconnect from our bodies, ignore our needs or become who we believe we need to be in order to feel safe, loved or accepted.
These younger parts don't simply disappear when we become adults.
They can continue showing themselves through our relationships, triggers, nervous system responses, emotional patterns, beliefs and coping strategies.
This is why inner child healing and parts work can be such meaningful elements of trauma-informed practice.
Rather than abandoning these younger aspects of ourselves again, we begin creating a different relationship with them.
One built upon compassion, safety and understanding.
Book Now
A gentle note
Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts-based concepts are used within the scope of my professional training and practice. Every person's experience and support needs are different. Information on this page is educational and is not a substitute for individualised mental health care, diagnosis or treatment.